Chute 

How do you go from being everything to someone to being nothing. How is it easy for one to just swipe the slate clean each time and start fresh -rewind the clock and time to a new beginning.

The more times we put ourselves out there, we tend to show our vulnerability – we allow some one else the power to hurt us. I guess that’s why people are harder these days. Being soft or emotional is taken as being weak.

I fall apart – right down to my core. Anything and everything I feel is questioned and scrutinised and I doubt my own self worth. If I’m contemplating disappearing and I have no one to confide in or utter those words to – who is really there down for me?

Tough as nails – all for show

Feel like iv sold my soul

Try to brush it off

But tears flow.

Damn get a grip, im told

I refuse to be, the same selfish person, others have shown to be.

Listening to him

Gives me chills

Led me on, wolf in sheeps cloyhing

Fooled me twice, yet it’s all my fault

Left a scar

Thoughts going through my brain

And m feeling, what am I feeling?

Marks on my arms, to numb the pain
I fall apart, down to my core 

But I guess I’m not enough

Cut too deep

And now m scarred. 

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Emotional soul

Someone once said there are two kinds of people in this world – a practical person and an emotional person. I am for sure definitely not a practical person. Don’t get me wrong. I can be practical where needed but I think if I ever had to make an executive decision, I would struggle. I wear my heart on a sleeve, I’m impractical, emotional, spontaneous, I get heated up on topics involving abuse, pain and suffering, fairness and equality – to the extent I lay and think about it in the dead of the night. It sounds good and makes people think wow that amazing but it’s far from it because I think I feel too much.My dad always told me learn to say no. And for most of you all, it’s like common sense 101, but honestly it is easier said then done. And I think to that people take advantage. I admire the practical people, however. Their ability to detach themselves from the problems of others. Able to see the benefit of taking step x to excel. Even though that may come at a cost. I mean what cost aye? U lose a friendship, u hurt someone who cares? You got progress right. Well done you!

I met this girl recently and she had been friends with another girl for 20 years. Been there through child birth, through days of exhaustion, cooking hot meals for her friend, defending her, supporting her, only for the practical friend to say – we can’t b friends anymore. Not because of something she had done, but because her husbands attention was divided. And that to the practical friend was enough reason to walk away. Now if they cross paths at the local mall, it’s like they’re two strangers.

If I started on how used and abused I feel I could write a damn book. Sometimes I think I should. Just to let out my let out my pent up anger and emotions of the nights I stayed up pondering, crying myself to sleep. To other nights where I would just sit on the deck, feel the cool night breeze on my skin and watch the stars thinking does it get better? To the time I stopped my car on the side of the bridge wondering if I should just drive it over. Will it make things better? Friends and family are there to help and support, mine seem to be immersed in this superficial world. Tags and pics of holidays and selfies get more likes and attention, then a text or call wanting support. But hey! That’s where practical people succeed.

My practicable nearest and dearest are there for me when they bump into me at a function or a gathering or the mall. But omg it’s so awkward, I mean they actual have to give a damn about my life or pretend they care so what better option then to not invite. Or ask. Or ignore. Ignore that cry for help, for a listening ear.

But to all my emotional friends – I say be emotional anyway. If people use u, treat them with kindness anyway. If people are badmouthing you, snigger behind your back, embarrass and humiliate you, treat them kindly anyway. Because there’s plenty of practical people in world. Don’t add to the list. If u let these people bring you down, if you let the naysayers get in your head you will never live. I didn’t drive off that bridge that day not because I couldn’t. But it’s especially because I wanted to prove them wrong. I wanted to prove to my practicable friends and cousins, some of whom Iv known since birth, that I can survive. You may have hurt me and ignored my cry for help, but that won’t change me. That will just make me stronger and my will to succeed stronger.

Sometimes you gotta burn bridges and create distance. Reminisce on the times you’ve been let down, cry, belt your chest out, but when you’re done, pick your beautiful self up and walk forward. Learn and never forget. They may be practical and use you, but you’ve come from the storm.

Let them watch you shine.

My local/tourist experience in Fiji

Vacation to Fiji.

Hello lovelies,

So recently I went to Fiji for a wedding. Very different from the island resort weddings that people normally read about in magazines- in case that’s what you were thinking.

We landed in Nadi as that has the major airport on the island to scorching 30 something heat. In case I don’t say it, I love Fiji. Like I Friggin love it. It’s my home country my birth place and no matter where I am in the world, ain’t no place going to come close it. But when travelling one has to be a little forgiving and accomodating to their surroundings. And every single trip to Fiji has been..a little frustrating.

Anyway, so we landed in Nadi and had to drive 3 hours to our final destination. Have you guys ever heard of that term “Fiji time”? No? Ok well you’ll learn quickly my friend. We arranged for a rental to Suva. However, by the time we landed and had come out of customs, the rental car was no where to be seen. Several calls and 30 mins wait later, our driver arrived in a car that was far too small to fit all of us let alone our luggage. And this is specifically after we informed the rental company that we need a big car to fit x number of people and x number of bags. Not that we could do anything at this point.  

Anyway, the rental company driver just stood aside watching us flimsily trying to fit our bags as did the rest of the taxi stand. Perfect!

After a few failed attempts, my dad along with the driver returned to the rental company to organise another car. An hour later we were off. We made many stops along the way and got to see this beauty, we call motherland. Maui bay is my personal favourite. Honestly if by this time you are googling, trust me when I say this, pictures do not do it justice. There is a walkway that leads out to a bure in the middle of the ocean. Villagers at times take their horses through the crystal clear water to almost as far as half way of the Bure. Very picturesque and it certainly needs no filters. 

By the time we reached Suva and settled in at our families, it was well into the night. My feet had swollen up 3 sizes to Sasquatch resemblance. All part of the fun aye? The following next three days was well spent at the wedding. It didn’t matter that it was hot. We had our outfits our heels and makeup that melted! Straightened hair? Pfffttt. It will frizz! Makeup with Kat Von De setting spray? You’ll go ‘damn that cut crease’ to ‘where’s my cut crease’ real quick.

It’s a good idea to travel with a mist that you could spray on your face and body to keep it hydrated. Pure Fiji does a really good range of products – I love their hydrating mist. It’s generally cheaper to purchase in FJD and they also tend to have a wide range as well. They also have an outlet store in Raiwaqa which is almost always packed but worth the visit. Another product I love is Avene’s Thermal Spring water. It’s a good refresher throughout the day and this is suitable for sensitive skin as well. 

Toward the end of trip, we made our way back to Nadi and stayed a few nights at Wyndham, Denarau. Along the way, we purchased lots of fruits from the road side vendors and after a 3 hour journey, finally reached Denarau, or in other words, Fiji’s heaven. If you want to live the island life, this is it! From drinking coconut water, to countless local fruits, this is the ideal place to relax. There is a group of Fijian men with ukuleles singing Hindi and Fijian songs and I was lucky enough to have these men sing a few songs for me. Every afternoon towards sunset, a local man runs around the resort with his little guests lighting the outdoor stands. It is truly an amazing place for a vacation. There are several cruises and trips to outer islands that one could go on as well. If only I had more time.
Till next time. 

Hi guys,

Sorry for being MIA. Have had a lot going on but I promise to try harder next time. Promise .

So I recently went to Fiji for a wedding in the family. As most of you know, Fiji is motherland. I love going back, seeing my family and friends. Not crazy about the heat though.  I kid you not, my feet swelled up from the heat and my sister thought I was bitten. All I could wear were jandles and have my hair in a bun 24/7.

Anyway, I enjoyed it though. Life is relaxing and peaceful there. I visited a few families and friends on this trip and I must say, it put a lot of things into perspective. I know everyone will say and think that this is life lesson 101, but I wear my heart on a sleeve. I guess that’s my fault but I do. I put in a lot of effort for my family and friends. I’m the friend they ring up at midnight when they are heartbroken, I’m the sister that spends lavishly without thinking twice, I’m also the friend who goes out of their way to help and accommodate for people I care about. But lately, Iv woken up to the realisation how selfish some people can be.

Dont get me wrong, I think everyone needs to be a little selfish in life. If you not, you cannot succeed. How?  You know when you flying with an airline, and the video plays saying in an emergency should a mask drop in front of you, put your own mask on first before helping others. Why? Because what good would you be to someone else if you are not safe and able. So I get it, there are some aspects in life where one has to put themselves first. But every once in a while, it would be nice if you can think of someone else other than yourselves. Well that’s my motto at least – help others selflessly. But meeting old friends there, people Iv known almost all my life and kept in touch with all this time, being indifferent.

How does one go from being good mates, best friends almost to – oh hey I made plans? Yeah I’m just going to keep ignoring your calls and pretend we didn’t make plans to meet.  Call me a child but I take this very personally.  I know people grow up and go different ways, but when a friend, partner, sister, whatever, makes an effort to be in someone’s life, when they make an effort to put you first, it goes without saying that it needs to be reciprocated. You won’t be able to make everyone happy, but its basic human decency to do right by them, especially someone who has been there. I guess I grew up being to naive, too trusting. I mean just because I think and behave a certain way, doesn’t mean others will too right? But that’s exactly what’s wrong with the picture. In this day and age, it’s too easy to drift away, get occupied in social media, phone and work. When do we make time and effort for our loved ones and friends ?

I read a quote some time ago which got me thinking. If you can’t find a nice and kind person, be one.

I think about that a lot and go beyond helping others. But where do you draw the line? When does one say, ok that’s it.

Growing up, I was no stranger to ridicule and backbiting from my extended family. Heck for all I know they still do.  But is that what life has come to? Constant comparison and belittling all to make one feel better? The world is filled with people who are rude, selfish and cruel people. Why add more to that?

 

A little about me 

Hi guys!

I am new to the blogging scene. I have wanted to do this for a while but Kept thinking about it and putting it off. To be honest I was more afraid of what people would think and perceive of me and what I wrote. But hey. I am just here to give my take on life in general. 

My blog will cover thoughts on life, travel, makeup (not that I am a makeup artist 😝), places to visit , and of course my own backyard, the beautiful and ever stunning New Zealand! Like how gorgeous is this view!

I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy blogging. 
Till next time.